Simpson Watch

Poor Jessica. The girl just can’t catch a break. Her movies have all been flops, or have been predicted to be flops, her music is good but…her sound is the same (sorry, it is, I had to be honest), her love life is non-existent (I’m STILL waiting for Nick and Jessica to rekindle their marriage — it’s a long shot, I know, but I still think it could totally work out) and now? NOW? Jessica Simpson has broken her nose.

It’s true. Read on, dear readers, read on.
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E!Online has reported that Pete Wentz wants to be a model:

OMG, totally bum-gyrating news! Pete Wentz, Fall Out Boy bassist, arm candy to Ashlee Simpson and accidental Internet exhibitionist, has signed with a modeling agency. A fancy-schmancy announcement went out to fashion folk announcing Petey is available for editorial and fashion endorsements. Hire him for your next schlong-swingin’ bachelorette party now! Seriously, though (at least, as serious as it gets at AT-ville), here’s our Sick-Sick Six list of things we think Pete is just perf to endorse:

1. Guyliner: You know, as in black eyeliner but for dudes. Petey-poo always smudges the smoky stuff onto his eyes, and it’s become his signature look. Some marketing wizzes should make liner just for men, so they don’t have to dig into their chicks’ makeup bags anymore, and get Pete to be the face o’ the bitchin’ new brand. Brills!

2. T-Mobile Sidekick: This little device, so popular with the Hollywood set, is what Pete used to take pics of his privates, which somehow ended up all over everbody’s laps, I mean laptops. P.W. could encourage the rest of Tinseltown to take pics of their own nether regions and release them, instead of waiting for paparazzi to snap them exiting a car. That’ll show those upskirt snappers, right, Britney Spears?

3. Skinny Jeans: Since this guy currently wears jeans tighter than Victoria Beckham’s, he should represent the threads, already. Plus, with all the contracts certain fallen celebs have lost and Lindsay Lohan is bound to lose due to her little DUI scandals, some denim company should be needing a spokesmodel very soon.

4. Hair Products: This guy’s coif always looks like it’s been loaded with goop, slicked, spiked and flat-ironed to pissy perfection. He can even have his own line of hair extensions, à la Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton! Classy.

5. Pens: Because this dude’s got oodles of tatts, he could so totally give inky Bics some street cred, right? Kids can draw their own temporary tattoos on, just like Pete’s!

6. Condoms: And since Trojan, so far, apparently declines to sponsor this column’s Blind Vice section (which advertises penis-pokin’ activities out the wacky wazoo), I thereby cede my raincoat-sportin’ biz desires to Mr. W. Till the end of the summer, at least. A magnum magnifique idea, n’est-ce pas?

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Click thumbnails to enlarge images.

Ashlee recently went shopping at a mall with a friend, where paparazzi caught up with her and a friend. She’s seen here riding an escalator, which really isn’t all that interesting, but check out the way she’s pretending she doesn’t see them. The funny thing is that she OBVIOUSLY wanted the attention, because why else would she bother going to a mall full of people when she can be doing some power shopping on Rodeo Drive? That’s what I want to know.

In other news, I totally love her pink shoes.

Simpson, Ashlee, Ashlee Simpson, celebrity, celebrities, 2007

Jessica Simpson is a big spender, she recently admitted to Harper’s Bazaar — big surprise there. But the singer/actress also revealed that while sister Ashlee “goes to a thrift store and can buy something for 20 bucks … I have to go buy a black button-down at Barneys. For $900. Because it’s a collector’s item,” she said in the magazine’s August issue, which features Jessica on the cover. When asked which career she would pick if she had to choose between music and movies, she replied, “In my music career, there have been moments of failure, and with acting I haven’t had that yet. But music is opening up my heart and every emotion inside of me.”

More pics after the jump.
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She may have a killer body in our eyes, but Jessica Simpson admits she suffers from cellulite and “fat rolls,” and she’s hoping her range of beachwear will help women shed their body inhibitions and just have a good time.

Simpson debuted her swimwear collection during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in Miami, Florida this last Saturday. She had everything from skimpy sexy two-pieces to modest yet trendy one-piece suits.

She tells MTV.com, “There’s always fun in a bathing suit. And you know that when people are buying a bathing suit, they’re buying it because they want to go do something to enjoy themselves, and that’s kind of where I’m at in my life.”

She continued, “(I’m) not afraid to celebrate a woman’s body. I do want to inspire people to fall in love with their body and be confident in who they are. I mean, I’ll show you that I have fat rolls. I have cellulite here and there, but I just want people to know that I’m a real person.”

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Here’s some gossip from inside Jessica Simpson’s Bikini Launch After Party:

After debuting her eponymous swimwear collection, Jessica Simpson hosted a party in the Redroom at the Shore Club’s Skybar. My Miami party spies tell me the vixen—surrounded by bodyguards—refused to answer any questions without her mother, Tina, present. (Isn’t that the polar opposite of Britney Spears?!) With sis Ashlee a no-show, Jess controlled the spotlight, looking amazing and making guys jealous by focusing all her flirtations on mane man Ken Paves.

Simpson, Jessica Simpson, Jess Simpson, Ken Paves, celebrity, celebrities, 2007

Jessica Simpson just released her new swimwear line, which she helped design. At her fashion show, models paraded the catwalk wearing Jessica’s designs, while Jessica watched them closely. She seemed absolutely delighted - and she should. Some of these swimsuits are actually cute - I wasn’t sure what to expect!

Tons of pics after the jump.
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Jessica Simpson is keeping it real — for now. “I’ve had none,” she says, when asked about plastic surgery.

“But maybe after having kids, if my boobs dropped down to my bellybutton, I would get them lifted,” Simpson tells fashion designer pal Michael Kors, who writes about her in the August issue of Harper’s Bazaar, on newsstands July 24. She adds, “But you know, my boobs are real.”

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More and more celebrities are confused by their wardrobe (and are desperately in need of a stylist), as Ashlee proves to us this weekend. A wool cap and knee socks? In the hot summer weather?

Maybe there is more in that brown paper bag than just flavored water…

Simpson, Ashlee, Ashlee Simpson, clothes, fashion, celebrity, celebrities, 2007

Jessica Simpson’s shoe line must be popular overseas: This billboard was recently photographed in Japan. I’ve never even seen her ads in the U.S. - billboard or magazine alike, and when I saw this photo all I could think was: HER HAIR LOOKS UNCHARACTERISTICALLY BIG.

I mean, just how much hairspray do you think they used?

Simpson, Jessica Simpson, Jess Simpson, shoes, celebrity, celebrities, 2007

Jessica Simpson is adding another occupation to her resume. She’s already a singer/actress/shoe and handbag designer/hair extension and skincare spokesmodel. And now you can add bikini designer to the list. Jessica’s new swimsuit line will debut next month during the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in Miami. She’ll have everything from skimpy bikinis to modest one-piece suits. Jessica helped design the swimsuits and she’s hand-picking the models to wear them.

Simpson, Jessica Simpson, Jess Simpson, swimsuit, summer, swimsuit model, model, celebrity, celebrities, 2007

Ashlee’s got a new tattoo, and though we don’t know the catalyst for the ink, we at least know a tiny bit about it. Rumor is that the “3″ inked below the word “Love” represents the number of times Ashlee’s friend/personal assistant kisses her before a show.

Simpson, Ashlee, Ashlee Simpson, celebrity, celebrities, tattoo, 2007

Last I heard, Ashlee was promoting those sassy little shoes made by Sketchers. But Ashlee is the celebrity face behind another brand, too: Stride Gum^®. Stride Gum’s slogan is “The Ridiculously Long Lasting Gum,” and with that tagline in mind, it paid Ashlee to promote the brand on the longest day of the year (the summer solstice).

Is it just me, or are times reealllyyyyyy hard in LA right now? Seems like a lot of music and film artists are using their talent less and acting as a spokesman more. (I do like her dress, though.)

Click thumbnails for full-size images.

Simpson, Jessica Simpson, Jess Simpson, Ashlee, Ashlee Simpson, celebrity, celebrities, 2007

As part of Ashlee’s contract to promote the Sketchers brand, life-size cutouts of Ashlee have been popping up (pun intended) at shoe stores everywhere. I think these images of Ashlee look super-cute, but I don’t recall ever actually seeing her WEARING Sketchers brand shoes. Does she? If you’ve got an image of her wearing them, let me know!

Simpson, Ashlee, Ashlee Simpson, fashion, shoes, Sketchers, advertising, celebrity, celebrities, 2007

Jessica Simpson was recently seen out-and-about getting in touch with her inner child. Though Jessica is more than twenty years older than Angelina Jolie’s son, Pax Thien, age 3 (adopted from Vietnam), they are wearing the same t-shirt.

Who do you think wears it best?

Simpson, Jessica Simpson, Jess Simpson, brangelina, angelina jolie, brad pitt, pax thien, pax jolie pitt, pax jolie-pitt, celebrity, celebrities, 2007